D-in-Gotham City

2010-09-20T16:41:00.003-04:00

Been a short summer that flew by like a bird that I saw a brief moment and then it whisked away. All is well, although I caught a random summer cold that kept me in bed for 2 summer weeks. Sucks.

Past weekend, I spent planning some activities and a couple of trips. 3 days off next week for a Stay-cation - some coffee house musing, maybe a long bike ride up to the Cloisters before summer completely runs away. But I am also planning a week in New Orleans over Halloween - mmm....Creole goodness and powdered beignets, chickory and Hurricanes. Voodoo Fest, the Halloween Parade and even a bike tour through the Garden District.

I was just musing with a co-worker that life is good. We both got a promotion this year and were quietly celebrating our good fortune. From burning out to enjoying life....too happy!

The man-friend is away part of this weekend and I miss him. However, it does give me some time again to take care of things like laundry, cleaning out all the old cupboards and sweeping out the attic of my brain. It's odd, I realized today, I had forgotten the names of two of my ex-boyfriends.

Isn't life grand?

An old game.

2010-04-22T21:57:00.003-04:00

I used to work with these people that wrote daily haiku poetry and sent it to each other over the email. It used to get fun and crazy.

Here's mine today:

I am on my way...
-Come quickly, dinner ready
Not coming for food.

Guernica...I felt like a woman in this painting today.

2010-04-15T01:35:00.001-04:00

Sunday....

2010-04-11T13:06:00.002-04:00

the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens

Pilgrimage and Buddhist Art at the Asia Society...

Swimming at the MPHC?

Flea Market?

Battery Park cycling!

Wonder.

2010-04-06T22:20:00.003-04:00

I'll try to express the wonder and joy of riding home from work along the esplanade in Battery Park City. I was able to leave work before sundown tonight - (still shaky from my recent crashes), I rode more gingerly. I felt the crush of other madly joyful NYers shaking themselves out of down coats and big winter hats.

Runners on the path, large groups of strollers and...meanderers, kids running screaming races to imaginary finish lines...burly manly-men self-conciously stretching pecs and leg muscles. Warmth! Heat! A sundown that lasts two hours, as though reluctantly, the day didn't want to end. The sky went from brilliant blue clarity to sunsoaked yellow, salmon pink mixed with tangerine, then violet and royal blue to grey flannel.

2010-04-03T21:42:00.002-04:00

Exhausted. Today was like San Francisco was...super sunny, a very sharp seabreeze blowing through the streets and making the walk to the subway that much chillier. I watched outside my (office) window as families played with kites along the water and the long lines wound throughout Battery Park to board ferries to Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty.

Sucked having to work today.

These past couple of weeks, I've had, not one, but TWO bike crashes on the Westside Greenway! My hands are skinned, my eyebrow sports a bright red gash, and the left side of my face is swollen - I look like a victim, or that I am part of a Fight Club.

I walked my bike home unhappily today from 42nd Street westside for about a mile and a half home, not knowing that the entire left side of my face was streaked with blood from the cut above my left eye. I love NYers. 5 people stopped me, asking if I was ok, one girl stopped a phone call, a group of young kids in the park asked me if I was attacked, a couple on 42nd street....in other places I lived, when I was hurt and by myself, no one asked if I was ok. (Gosh, in California, after I flipped hard over the handle bars of my bike in a very full park on a Saturday, people actually stepped over my body, completely unconcerned that anyone was hurt or needing any medical attention, not able to focus on anything but what was 1 foot around themselves. They blow.)

And that's why I love NYC.

2010-03-31T23:45:00.003-04:00

A long time passes....why did I stop blogging? Tonight, I got immersed in reading the history and tales of an old-old friend from a past life - she, now a writer, is "memoir"-ing. SPINSTER (no, I am not being judgy, she calls herself that, read her blog....) waxes introspective and revisits the past to understand the present.

Over here, it's been steady and quiet. Percolating and humming along. Life, I mean. I am surprised that I can live happily and comfortably on a very little income, but still, all dreams are coming to fruition. Back here where I belong in NYC, it's been almost a couple of years of bliss now and I am forgetting my relocations, painful relationships, and embarrassments because...well, I've just been busy.

Biking to work every day, reaching almost a zen-like contentment kanoodling past the Hudson River, yanking up my bike onto the 42nd Street crosstown bus, eating candlelit dinners in trendy-tiny-yummy cafe's, and breathing again. It's going by so fast, the days are getting longer again, and it's warm out. The sun sets at 7 now and everyone is walking a slow languid stroll and looking from side-to-side-to-side.

I planned a few travels, for leisure! Not business, not visiting family, not....moving away...just sitting on the beach in the Dominican Republic for a couple of days, playing rummy with my oldest childhood friend, and then chatting for short spurts with the girlfriends of my best friend.

The Carribean was lovely. The rest was amazing.

When I came back, my sister informed me...it was my turn to use the family timeshare. Anywhere. And so, and so....laissez les bon temps rouler...the condo was transferred to the Big Easy, and I am in for a week of crawfish and gumbo and beignet si vous plait.

The condo is fantasy place, its own kitchen (yeah right, I'm cooking in one of the most artistically gastronomic parishes in the world), a courtyard with wading pool and old sculptures under weeping trees, and a couple of blocks from the French Quartier....yep, I will trade my mis-timed quips for a low-slung drawl and just hit every single well-known and little-known bar, resto, alleyway, major thoroughfare, and neighborhood in NOLA.

Lastly, and bestly, I am going (all stars aligning) with my....

San Gennaro

2009-09-12T18:00:00.000-04:00

Chocolate. Strawberry. Cannoli. 'nuff said.

Seattle trip

2009-09-05T19:55:00.005-04:00

I love Seattle, it's an amazing city, but Bainbridge Island has won my heart. The moon was a weird, perfect white sphere, traversed by skudding clouds above craggy mountain tops, mirror lakes and acres of pine.

We set out the first day from Bainbridge heading west over Olympic National Park.

My father wanted a drive to see the ocean, and our best route was a three hour drive from Bainbridge into the National Park, around cresent lake, then past Port Angeles and Forks (the "treaty zone" in Twilight...) and landing finally at magnficent La Push Quileute Beach.

Amazing.

The next several days were spent on Bainbridge or in Seattle, with a tour of the Underground, and a day on the Duckboat.

I could live there.

Brompton on the Upperwest Greenway, NYC

2009-08-30T18:50:00.002-04:00

Riding the B up the Westside bikepath.

At 42nd Street and the highway, majestic Intrepid museum. Next door, the Norweigan Cruiseline dock.

Waterside parks, suntanning lads, old piers, new piers, under bridges, over tennis courts. Past the boatbasin and into Riverside Park, up to Columbia University where the bells tolled.

My new bike

2009-08-30T00:39:00.003-04:00

More on this later, but another long term wish is fulfilled.

Spent the summer riding the city on my new wheels.

I LOVE MY BROMPTON!

Been riding to work every morn via the bike path along the Hudson River, all the way down to the World Financial Center and into Battery Park. It's true love. I can take it on the bus, in the subway, stow it in a corner of my office near my desk, and take it up in my bldg elevator.

Sigh. I've already ridden the ferry with my baby to Governors' Island for picnic overlooking the Harbor.

Tomorrow...GWB and the little red lighthouse!

A really charming post.

2009-08-30T00:33:00.003-04:00

This list...it's kind've inspirational.

From a short blurb by Matthew Diffee posted in the New York, titled, "I think my friend was wrong."

THINGS THAT ARE BETTER THAN A NEW YORK CITY HOT DOG:
Most Coen Brothers movies
Cezanne
BBQ ribs
A bear-skin rug
A rodeo
A Frisbee-catching dog
The Declaration of Independence
A lumberjack breakfast
The prom
E-mail
Cashmere sweaters
Chicago hot dog?
A personal assistant
A free trip to anywhere except Scranton
Filet mignon
Bruce Springsteen
Your firstborn child
A good book
A mediocre book
Walks on the beach
Sports
The Beatles
A good art museum
Free anytime minutes
A day at the park
Family
Christmas
Dogs
Cats
Surf and turf
The New York subway system
Beluga caviar
A kiss in the rain
A piña colada
Rainbows
A Porsche
Coffee
A La-Z-Boy chair
Soup in a bread bowl
Eskimo culture
A balloon ride
Surfing
The Eiffel Tower
Camping
A campfire
Being an uncle
The beach
Bonsai trees
Caramel popcorn
The smell of fresh-cut hay
Fresh muffins
The ability to read people’s minds
Spaghetti
Money
Elvis
Pinot noir from Oregon
A nice leather bag
Ice-cold water when you’re working outside on a hot summer day
A good ghost story
A Cinnabon
Home-baked Cookies
A good Martini
Ice cream
Big Ben
Diamonds
The Rocky Mountains
Orange Julius
Pajamas with feet
That fake large-mouth bass that dances on the wall
Star Wars collectibles
An iPod
Sneaking into a second movie
The Muppets
Glenn Miller
A cheeseburger
A heavy quilt
Fuzzy slippers
Yellowstone National Park
The complete first season of "Curb Your Enthusiasm"
Sleeping in
A good bookstore
Chocolate
Gift certificates
A snow day
Digital photography
Break dancing
Getting flowers
Sushi
The invention of the printing press
NPR
Jet Skiing
A huge yacht
Monty Python
Shrimp cocktail
A library card
Learning a second language
Sailing
A helicopter ride
The Texas State Fair
A convertible
Seeing the Northern Lights
The environment
New bed linen
World Peace
Tokyo
Pizza
Puppies
Emily Dickinson
A bucket of fried chicken
A smoking jacket
Beach volleyball
Supermodels
Swimming with dolphins
The rainforest
X-ray vision
A tent
A beanbag chair
Sunsets
A haircut
Billie Holiday
Seeing someone fall down
Stargazing
A laptop
Sailing
Hot wings
An extension cord
Stiletto heels
Norway
Finding a cure for cancer
Chips and salsa
Cell phones
Andrew Wyeth
Converse Chuck Taylors
Mount Everest
Girl Scout cookies
A fridge full of beer
Winnie the Pooh
Snowboarding
The San Diego Zoo
Vinyl
Roller-skating
A black-pearl necklace
A sky full of hot-air balloons
Clint Eastwood
A shopping spree
A good mystery
Hammocks
Miniskirts
Snowshoeing
Vermont maple syrup
Helping others
A Tiffany lamp
The Pacific Coast Highway
Guinness
Kittens
Fresh-squeezed orange juice
"Moby Dick"
The Dallas Cowboys
The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders
Fine China
China
The Great Wall of China
Guernica
Hall and Oates
Thoreau
Arabian horses
Mozart
A Twilight Zone marathon
Texas Hold ’Em
Brownies
Edgar Allan Poe
A nice chess set
The sound of a train in the distance
Polka
A stack of National Geographics
A photocopier
Sunblock
A goosedown comforter
Levi’s
Cocaine
T. S. Eliot
Golf clubs
A boa constrictor
The dog track
Electricity
A free canoe
Mosquito repellant
A hot tub
A fish fry
Red beans and rice
John Updike
Thigh-high stockings
A Fender Stratocaster
Cliff divers
A garbage compactor
Wool mittens
Google stock
Hot chocolate
Sitting beside a bubbling brook
Sherlock Holmes
Flying a kite
Winning
The Monterey Bay Aquarium
The Boy Scouts of America
Fudge
The smell of burning leaves
Hunting
Fishing
Apple pie
Donkey Kong
A Stetson
Bling
Slow dancing
A chicken quesadilla
A petting zoo
A paddleboat
Feeding ducks
Being next in line for something
Sea-Monkeys
The Matterhorn
NASA
Clairvoyance
Thomas Hardy
The sound of wolves howling in the distance
General Tso’s Chicken
Marilyn Monroe
Eine Kleine Nachtmusik
The Museum of Natural History
Silk pajamas
The Great Pyramid
Bunnies
TV/VCR combinations
A lifetime supply of ketchup
An all-you-can-eat seafood buffet
Picnics
The swallows of Capistrano
"Danny Boy"
Handmade furniture
Whale watching
A Slurpee machine of your own
A hot-fudge sundae
Talking-horse movies
Gold
Professional wrestling
Space travel
Antarctica
Submarines
The right to bare arms
Advil
Mount Fuji
A good fastball
An ATM when you really need one
A cruise
Four-wheel drive
A Ferris wheel
A subscription to Texas Monthly
Otters
Really nice luggage
Peace of mind
The family farm
Easter Island
Indoor plumbing
A candlelit dinner
A Zamboni
A long, hot shower
Winning the lottery
A good childhood memory
Modern science
High-school graduation
A maid
Michael Jordan
A French maid
A white button-down shirt
The Bible
The Golden Gate Bridge
Superman
A birthday cake
The Emancipation Proclamation
The color teal
Snowflakes on your nose and eyelashes
The way beavers build those dams
And Amtrak ticket
Crawfish étouffée
A safari
The circus
"American Gladiators"
The United States Marine Corps
Hang-gliding
Lyle Lovett
A Super Bowl ring
Spare batteries
A free carwash
A field of wild flowers
Halloween
Sleeping
A family photo
Fly-fishing
Venice
A bachelor party
A Martin guitar
The Chrysler Building
Shakespeare
A set of encyclopedias
The Olympics
The Grand Canyon
Jazz
Sitting in a hot tub
Jamaica
The word “Zamboni”
White-water rafting
True-crime stories
The Smithsonian Institution
The Pill
Las Vegas
A T-bone steak
Samba lessons
A dinner with friends
Emmylou Harris
A love letter
A full tank of gas
Free firewood
Perfect pitch
A healthy herd of goats
A piano
The Autobahn
A drive-in theater
Yosemite Sam mudflaps
Penicillin
Massachusetts
Greek mythology
Seeing a bald eagle
A Boston Red Sox cap
Two or more Yankees caps
A screened-in porch
An easy-to-reach power strip
The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade
The Art Institute of Chicago
Ken Burns’s Civil War documentaries
Christmas presents
Barnes and Noble
Western art
A leather couch
Vegetables fresh from your own garden
Vegetables fresh from your neighbor’s garden
An incomplete set of golf clubs
A good, solid pickup truck
Fireworks
Austin, Texas
A decent gazebo
A choir robe
A strong work ethic
A dentist in the family
Champagne
Freedom of worship
Lobster
Good health
The speed of light
Television
The Red Cross
A good batch of chili
Mount Rushmore
"The Devil Went Down to Georgia"
Coming home after being away for a while
The space shuttle
A flight with no delays
A hat trick in the World Cup
John Denver
Political scandal
A master’s in history
A hands-free headset
A children’s Easter pageant
The mall
Refrigeration
"The Sound Of Music"
The sun
Literacy
The Mona Lisa
A horse-drawn-carriage ride
The Romans
Winslow Homer
Your average Indian-artifact collection
Solar power
A disco ball
Niagara Falls
Cheetahs
Breaking the speed of sound
A fine twenty-year-old Tawny Port
All-you-can-eat shrimp
A free minivan
Lots of new underwear
An African safari
Owning a de Kooning
An ergonomic desk chair
A DVD player
Snow boots
A night in a luxury hotel
A cold beverage on a hot day
The great state of Texas
Rhode Island
Free checking
Shark Week
A yacht ride
Friends to help you move
A subscription to Sports Illustrated
An eighty-gig external drive
Antiques
A picnic
The Upright Citizen’s Brigade
A locksmith when you need one
Bob Newhart albums
A universal remote
Netflix
The Queen Mary 2
Seeing wildlife
Over-the-counter pain relievers
Reality TV
A lifetime supply of printer ink
Chocolate cake
Christmas
Hunting with your father
SNL
Homemade apple pie
Laughing with friends
Someone to love
Feeling better after being sick
Seeing someone else fall down
Self-defense classes
A road trip
Fire trucks
Inheriting a small fortune
A solar-powered calculator
The University of Chicago
Dog parks
Yosemite
A long extension cord
The migration of the monarchs
Drano
A celebrity sighting
Prince Edward Island
The call of the wild
A nap
Taking your nephew to Disneyland
Digital photography
Spelunking
Being able to speak more than one language
Noise-reduction headphones
A favorite family recipe
The Staten Island ferry
The Tomb of The Unknown Soldier
The Constitution
The ability to move things with your mind
Photoshop
Seeing the bats in Austin, Texas
String theory
A big vat of bacon at a breakfast buffet
A spare tire
The Tribeca Film Festival
An efficient and reliable vacuum cleaner
Dogwood blossoms
A food processor
Smoked salmon
Maurice Sendak
Browsing small-town garage sales
Private roof access
Fresh bread
A garden shovel
Being ambidextrous
A library card
Falconry
Finding a lost twenty in you coat pocket
Buying lemonade from a child’s lemonade stand
The first robin
Sleeping in
A priceless stamp
Winning a game of chess
A rental car
G.P.S.
Swimming with dolphins
The Bible
A room with a view
The satisfaction of a job well done
An old, comfortable pair of jeans
An electric drill
Cable
Toilet paper
A dependable flashlight
Harley-Davidson motorcycles
Someone you can trust
Kittens
Watching your kid graduate from college
A beloved family pet
Genuine leather products
A cup of hot tea on a foggy day
Nice fluffy towels
Sitting in a hot tub beneath falling snow
Sherlock Holmes stories
A sturdy extension ladder
A ship in a bottle
A stone fireplace
Sushi
Believing in yourself
A wrap-around porch
Wildflowers
A Good pair of binoculars
Western medicine
A tailored suit
Anonymously helping those less fortunate
Sunsets
Drive-in movies
Homemade peach cobbler
Revenge
A neck pillow on a long international flight
Classic cars
Beethoven’s Fifth
The invention of the ziplock bag
Sequels that are as good as the first movie
A nice set of luggage
Fresh blueberry pie
A good mystery novel
Homemade ice cream
A hand-knit sweater
Tickets to a Broadway play
Church-league softball
Easy-to-use software
Gift certificates
Amusement parks
The Blue Ridge Parkway

One of those lists...

2009-02-05T21:58:00.000-05:00

25 Random Things About Me

[I'm doing this for Samantha, this actually makes me really nervous, because I don't have 25 interesting things about me. So I will make some up.]

1. I love chocolate, not Skittles, not Yellow Cake, not Strawberries, not Cheesecake, not Sweettarts, yechh. I don't put sugar even in my coffee. Example, when I dated someone years ago, I asked him on his birthday, "What kind of cake would you like for your birthday, honey?" He replied, "Lemon Cake with Raspberry Filling." Being the excellent girlfriend that I was, I ran all over the city trying to find the best Lemon Cake with Raspberry Filling that NYC had to offer. On my bed, we sat crosslegged, opened the box, and oohed and ahhed at the most excellent cake I could possibly find that fit what he wanted. What a fun evening.

My birthday came a few months later. I waited for him to ask me, "What cake would you like for Your birthday, D?" Waiting...waiting...and he shows up on the day of my birthday, box in hand, smile on face. I was doubtful when I opened the box.

What was in the box? Lemon Cake with Raspberry Filling. Sigh.

My opinion is that the federal government should mandate that cakes are only made out of dark CHOCOLATE, in the form of a layer cake with creamy frosting...mmm.

Moral of story? ALWAYS ask what cake the birthday girl wants. Not what you want. Even if you think you're bringing the "best cheesecake or whatever" in the world. They may not want it. It may cause some eyerolling.

2. To continue with the theme above, French Chocolate, dark and yummy. Think...Maison du Chocolat, Vosges, Marie Belle, Jacques Torres, Richart, Michel Cluizel, Patrick Roger. Not Hersheys Kisses, (whatever!). In San Francisco, I loved Ghirardelli of course, and lived near Ghirardelli Square, visiting chocolate festivals every year, and sipping hot choco overlooking the smoky bay.

3. Other notes on luxury. Spoil yourself, enjoy yourself!! You need it, you deserve it. I'm not a spa person. I don't like being touched by people I don't know, especially so intimately while wearing very little. Gives me the Heebies.

To spoil myself, I get fun haircuts and strange haircolor. I buy excellent shoes and handbags and coats in all colors, for all seasons. I'm starting a collection of quirky and fashionable blouses I love. Some people like t-shirts. I do occasionally, if they fit right.

Fashion's about what looks good on ya. What takes 10 pounds off the silhouette. What makes you tall and slim and glam.

My formative years were spent in Ocean County New Jersey, mecca of mallrat ripoffs, haphazard skater-wear, and blue eyeshadow...BIG hair. In the 80s. It was embarrassing.

Thus, in fashion, I’m attracted to sleek simplicity and slimming colors, something flattering but comfortable, permitting movement with grace, where one can scale a 40 story building in Midtown, flash my cool techno-gadgetry, and slip into a short slim gown in the elevator on the way down for a drink at some dark, swanky bar with a giant mural, take rides in the limo, and claim a seat at a show during Fashion Week. I love clothes that go from work to exciting nights out. (I'm heavily influenced by James Bond movies, obviously).

4. I moved to San Francisco, then to Boston, to see what's out there. My 20 some-odd years in the Big Apple were action packed, fulfilling and interesting on a minute-by-minute basis, but when the opportunity came to see the world, I took it. Um...saw alot. Ate alot. Met alot of people. Ran back home to NYC after less than 3 years. I clicked my red heels and said, "there's no place like home."

5. I'm certified in sailing on SF Bay. The experience was amazing. I wasn't a total newbie though, since I grew up on Barnegat Bay in NJ, another center of sailing culture. We'd spend whole weekends fighting fierce winds, choppy waves, and getting tangled in our own canvas and lines. One time we blundered haphazardly into a professional regatta as the sun went down and wind turned. More seasoned and more suntanned gentlemen and women were swearing at us to get out of the way. I met some great people, and had some good hard practice. I never did sail in Boston, where the public marina lets you sail on the Charles for less than $300 for the entire summer.

6. When I was 16, I accompanied my cousin on a tour of Europe in the 1980's. Europeans generally seemed much much more aware of American politics than the average american teenager. After my 3 week tour through more than 15 countries, I studied International Relations and Journalism at NYU. I visited Europe about 3 times since then. It's been about 10 years since I traveled like that. I miss travel, but it's so darn expensive to pick up and go nowadays... One day though.

7. My favorite country to visit is Italy. Food, culture, music everywhere, food everywhere, people smiling and friendly…and the ART. The frescos, the architecture, just walking down stone galleries, winding streets, wide staircases and shadowy doors…most romantic country I can think of to fulfill the senses.

Followed by that and for similar reasons, France. Not as friendly, but so much to do. Reminds me of NY, actually.

8. I have a theory that sitcoms have changed the way Americans communicate. (Yes, I watch too much tv). Doesn’t work start to feel like that NBC TV show, The Office? Aren’t we speaking a bit snappier since Seinfeld? Sex in the City? Yup. Ouch.

People are a lot of funnier and more bewildered than ever before.

9. I love McDonalds. I eat there 3 times a week. I only eat the Big Mac meal. When I was very tiny little baby in Queens, my grandmother from the Philippines took care of me while my parents were gone all day at work. From birth to 4 years old, she fed me, took me in the Stroller on the subway to go shopping, taught me to read and write, and hugged me every day. Eventually she had to go back to her life….and then she was gone.

As a baby, I couldn’t understand what was happening. I cried for three weeks. I couldn’t sleep. I crept about the apartment, looking in the oven, looking in closets, in pantry cabinets, but she wasn’t there. My parents grew alarmed, then frantic. I looked at them with tearstained face, not recognizing them for who they were.

In the middle of the night on the third week of not eating or sleeping, my father and mother took me for a drive through Queens in the middle of the night to stop my night terrors, hoping the motion of the car would rock me asleep. My mom was crying. It was very late. Down Queens Boulevard, before the overpass, a sight inspired me to stop crying and I lifted four-year old self to the window, then pointed. My mom immediately understood.

“She wants to go to McDonalds,” she told my dad, and we sat on the formica plastic seats, near Hamburgler and Ronald, under yellow arches, munching fresh French fries quietly. I didn’t have trouble eating or sleeping again after that night. My father decided I had separation anxiety from my grandmother and wouldn’t let me be imprinted by anyone else but my mom and he ever again.

27 years later, I relayed this touching story to my friends in a NY city cab one late night after rounds of drinks. They howled with laughter, rolling around on the floor of the cab.

“LOLA….” Laughed my friend, mimicking my childhood grief, imagining mini-me chasing a plane down the runway, taking my grandmother away.

Whatever.

They wanted me to sell that story to McDonalds. McDonalds saved my life. Seriously.

10. I wish I spoke Tagalog. Then Carol and I could make our snide comments in another language. (Just kidding, we’re really nice people.)

11. My dream is to have 3 homes, one in each place:

A. New York
B. San Francisco
C. Venice

12. Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

13. I don’t ski, although I have, once. I do swim though. Long ago, we were on the Metedeconk River Yacht Club swim team, and no matter how athletic the guy is that I am with, I still swim better than he does.

14. I read Sci Fi. Most girls don’t. I was part of a book club about 10 years ago, full of intelligent, high-end, glossy, college-educated women. We read Proust (well, we read a lot of interesting books)…EVERY time I brought up sci fi, I was looked upon with pity and disbelief.

I looked elsewhere for my sci-fi camaraderie.

My favorite night was not with them, but around the same time, when my group at work would meet at some dingy bar in the financial district after work, our dot-com sadly winding down, and after most of the people had left, we moved our wooden barstools into a circle and discussed Stephen Hawking’s Universe in a Nutshell. I miss our talks!

15. I love Vinyasa Yoga. There are some great studios here in NY, where I get a better workout than NY Sportsclub has to offer, and have met some spiritually intereting friends along the way. In my heyday, I could do pushups on 3 fingers of each hand. Easily.

16. I’m a Catholic.

17. There are 3 criteria for a movie that I will spend money to watch:

A. Magic
B. Kung Fu
C. Spaceships

No teary-eyes, please!

18. September 11th was pivotal to my world outlook. I was in the city during the time, and when I opened the shades of my apartment and looked South, I watched Tower 2 fall.

The days after were heroic and hysterical, outpouring of emotions, lots of hugging and crying. Old friends called to check everyday, although we hadn’t been in touch much before.

It was incredible.

19. Lawschool, well, I don’t regret it one bit. I am one of those non-practicing attorneys that wanted to spend my days NOT talking much with other lawyers. I’m glad I found a rewarding career NOT being a lawyer. I smile more than they do.

20. I love NJ. At least the shore. I know every exit on the Garden State Parkway, and drove my friend’s convertible from NY down to Atlantic City when she had a whim to play blackjack. I need a red convertible sportscar, badly.

21. I don’t have kids or a husband. Yet.

22. I write a lot. About different things. Kept journals all my life, mostly titled after my boyfriends…”The Book of S”, “The Book of R”, “The Book of H”.

I burned them soon after.

23. My friends are my family.

24. I love being back in NYC.

25. I am waiting.

Menages, the Economy and the Oba-Messiah

2008-11-09T16:42:00.010-05:00

Weekend Past~

Cindie, an old friend from the Dmind Corp days, came into New York for the annual International Print fair, to set up her gallery space's corner in the Armoury on the Upper East Side. Halloween night in the city, we watched the "freaks" dressed up as naughty nuns and jail birds, Governor Palin and rock stars, ("...some girls should NOT be wearing those outfits, that's supposed to look good on her, right??") but we opted to skip the Parade of Ghouls downtown in West Village (it would be overrun) and caught up over ravioli at a nearby trattoria midtown near my apartment.

Next morning, looking out the window down 42nd St, we caught part of the practice run of the NYC marathon, also slated for the weekend. We had diner food delivered up to the casa for breakfast, and then she took off in anticipation of her day - friends from the fine art prints world, customers with the wherewithal to drop a cool $8K on a first edition....whatever. I shook my head, "Can't afford it..." I replied when she asked if she should leave a ticket for me at the entrance. "I am only at the 'Dogs Playing Poker' buying class at this time.'". While my friend was at Print Fair, I caught the downtown bus on 2nd Ave. to Union Square's farmers market, intent on finding a couple of houseplants to bring some life and air into my little space. A dealer from Long Island set up a canvas tent in the busy square. I came home happily with a rubber tree variant, and a larger ginger tree hybrid, with a grizzled- tough look and spice-red foliage. The trees made the air fresh in the apartment, cleaner, and when I open the door at night, it smells so good in there!

At night, we agreed on shrimp tempura sashimi and a film down at the Angelica after the weekend workday was over. I love the Angelica theatre, it's alive with artistically inclined folk in dark drapery and pale pallor, arguing philosophically but amicably over black cigarettes. Inside, tables and a small coffee shop let the movie-goers sit under artwork and discuss the latest arthouse offering. We caught Vicki Christina Barcelona, a visual homage to Barcelona's visceral fusion of art and urbanism ~ a debate whether passion is at odds with a "normal" life. Personally, hot though Javier Bardem is, I'm not tempted to overthrow a lasting, growing and committed relationship in favor of artistic passions, untraditional menage~a~trois, and the constant threat of gunplay and knife throwing. Over alcholic coffees at the King Cole bar in the St. Regis midtown after the film, Cindie was in favor of the Bardem, Cruz, and Vicki-Christina question.

Here was the question: When you have a loving, traditional, growing-old-together-with-kids-and-grandkids, house in the burbs type of relationship, is it understandable to want a passionate sexual attraction to moody, crazed, romantic and rather...dangerously wild painters in a foreign country? Just, is it understandable? My own read was this: I had a million crazy passionate encounters, but a dearth of the real, loving ones. My opin: I would pay a million dollars for the real thing and to erase the scars of two decades of singlehood in 3 major cities. Cindie, on the otherhand, is experienced both sides, now in a loving committed and long term relationship in Conneticut. AND they are both artists too (like Bardem and Cruz in the movie...) Her perspective, well...passion for passion's sake.

I love the King Cole bar for late night champagne, the crowd is returning from some party or art opening, some gala ball or board meeting, and we swanked a bit with millionaires who earnestly debated their own concerns in Gucci and Prada leathers. It's a wonderful background set for our debate du jour. (d'Noir? du Nuit?)

Through last week~

Well, of course, we were all taken by the election and the possibilities for the future. Rockefeller Center ice rink hosted "Election Central" - a giant map of the country imprinted upon the ice, and updated minute-to-minute in red and blue as voting boothes closed and the counts rolled in. Anticipation and celebration lasted all night long in Harlem, midtown, and all boroughs on the warm evening, and we all knew what would happen.

Hope. And celebration. "I love you...Vote Obama," I would say in closing on the phone to my closest friends that week. In response from one loved one, "[blah, blah, blah]... the Oba-Messiah..."

"Yes," I said, "...but your voting platform is based solely on legalizing marijuana, so..."

And similar convos. An historic event, I'm glad to be alive now.

With the economy still tanked, I am holding off on major furniture shopping for the apartment and am still sleeping on a doggie bed on the floor. It's hard to commit to any kind of spending right now and I am willing to wait out the weeks until the money is there to buy the bed and chair that I need before this place is relatively complete.

I did get a print from the Met, though, a montage of photos and sketches of Christo's The Gates installation a few years ago in Central Park. At the time, NYC was again beset by a tight depression. I think I was in between jobs and life was scary and uncertain and cold. The Gates, a path of orange flags tracing a looping trail through Central Park, could be seen out my window from some major lawifrm I was working in, and I would think, in deepest, coldest winter, when I had no permanent job, and very little cash, it was art's response to...despair? Go outside, take a walk through the Gates, ignore the cold and all of the things that can worry a person.

And it was a really inspiring display.

"That's why people buy prints," Cindie replied.

The Explorers' Club

2008-10-28T11:06:00.003-04:00

I've been wondering what other people my age have done with this time on earth (while we can still run, skip, jump...) It started to obsess me. I know my little world and my small industry, I know some fun exciting events, people, dinners, symposia and can identify much useless information in the course of my day. I can impress paralegals and attorneys when I use the phrase "xls", can scare people by running "scripts" and nod my head knowledgeably when someone speaks of "spoilation."

So what....

Last night, I stumbled across an old institution here in NYC that hosts interesting lectures once a month on adventures and exploration.

Here's what I read that made me grab my coat, run out of my office and head uptown:

The club's mission is to encourage scientific exploration of land, sea, air and space, emphasizing the physical and biological sciences. Its headquarters is the Lowell Thomas Building on East 70th Street in New York City.

Over the years, membership has included polar explorers Roald Amundsen, Robert Peary, Matthew Henson, Ernest Shackleton, Vilhjalmur Stefansson, Sir George Hubert Wilkins, and Frederick Cook; aviators Jimmy Doolittle, Charles Lindbergh, Richard Archbold and Chuck Yeager; underwater explorers Sylvia Earle, Jacques Piccard, Don Walsh and Robert Ballard; astronauts John Glenn, Buzz Aldrin, Neil Armstrong, Sally Ride, Kathryn Sullivan, and cosmonaut Viktor Savinykh; anthropologists Louis Leakey, Richard Leakey and Jane Goodall; mountaineers Sir Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay; former U.S. Presidents Theodore Roosevelt, Franklin D. Roosevelt and Herbert Hoover; and thousands of other notables including journalist Lowell Thomas, newspaper cartoonist Mel Cummin and pioneer explorer Thor Heyerdahl.

Anyway, they throw lectures once a month. The building is a converted old mansion on the Upper East side, with flowery wrought iron terraces, solid old libraries, fireplaces, exotic rugs, pictures of astronauts on the walls, a stuffed polar bear, a sled that has crossed the North Pole, giant ivory tusks, and books about land, sea, air and space expeditions. I bought my ticket, entered the main library and had wine and cheese with scholars, historians, and explorers.

The lecture started when a vibrant guy about my age stood up at the podium and was introduced to the audience. He was a combination of Tom Cruise and Indiana Jones. His video and slides were about his exploration and plotting and conservationist efforts for the caves in the Yucatan Penninsula - Mexico. His name was Sam Meacham, and he is a part of Cindaq, an organization dedicated to conservation and exploration of fresh water resources and underwater geography underneath the Yucatan.

A cenote is an opening in the jungle terrain filled with fresh water and is a passageway into the limestone cave-system underneath Tulum, Cancun and all of the surrounding tourists areas of the Yucatan.

He and his team walk or fly through the jungle, locate the Cenote, put on diving gear and bring 400 lbs of underwater lighting equipment, and dive downwards, following the underground rivers. Past dinosaur bones, ancient sacrificed skeletons, pottery sherds, ancient sloth, and underwater architecture of the Maya, dodging stalagmites and stactites before the caves were overrun from the rising oceans. He spoke about walking down carved Mayan stairs, past an underground stone alter, and down into the dark pool of freshwater under the jungles.

He and his team experienced previously undiscovered plant life, fish, crustacean, and even mammal remains.

Footage and scientific measurements were sent to National Geographic and various scientific institutions for examination of flora, fauna and water chemistry, especially as it is affected by the tourism of the Yucatan and explosive population growth.

Anyway, we were all ooh'ing, ah'ing, and I felt inadequate.

This is what people do with their time?

Update:

Just read a curious little post about the Explorers' Club Annual Dinner at the Waldorf Astoria this year (attended by an old roomate of mine, one of the first groups of women invited to join the society.)

Anyway, on the menu:

Earthworm Stir-Fry
Roasted Goat, Pork Chitterlings, Eyeballs, etc.
Maggot- and Bug-Covered Strawberries
Scorpions on Toast
Duck Tongues on Belgian Endives
Lotus Stalks
Sweet & Sour Bovine Penis

"You foolin' me?? For real?"
"Ain' no lie."

Full article on Epicurious.com's blog.

Pushing wind, rain and sirens

2008-10-25T20:42:00.005-04:00

A borrow from EdEx.

Nice pic from Jeff's weather blog.

Storm and wind kind've changed alot of semi-conscious planning I had for today. After an inhouse day in PJs, I bit the bullet and took the 6 train downtown to shop for necessary items. I've been a barbarian, sitting on the floor, eating takeout with plastic forks and stuffing greasy paper bags into the fridge.

I took my first step in buying stuff for the studio - hit CB2 just off Canal Street. Everything...everything was wonderful and perfect for my little space, but I started with just some plates, bowls and some basic flatware.

By the time I came back, the asphalt glistened and umbrellas were being pushed sideways by the wind, pedestrians soaked and shaking their fists at the grey sky.

Tonight, it's a black - loud night. I can feel the storm whistling into the room through wrought iron window panes, see lightning bursts flash just outside my window from up on the 27th floor, and the Manhattan Bridge is melting as I watch through sheets of water pouring down on the glass.

Laissez Les Bons Temps Rouler...

2008-10-24T22:11:00.005-04:00

This week in Gotham, the industry held its 12th Annual Electronic Discovery and Records Retention Conference at the Jumeirah Essex House Hotel on Central Park South. Luminaries from top ten mega-lawfirms and giant multinationals graced the silver carpet into Essex's grand ballroom for a tech Ho-Down.

I was invited to join my company's directors in attending the cocktail hour, where we had a booth to display large screens offering native review in Korean and Japanese. I met up again with friends from the past - Dmitriy (my Yoda), now at Debevoise, Jason (once a vendor-Business Partner, now at Metlife in Long Island City)... and made some new drinking companions in this strange, wild world of litigation support technology.

Our company later sponsored a dinner for clients and friends at Shelley's Trattoria, on 57th near the hotel. The wine flowed freely. The seafood was crisp and light: calamari, and I again tried some pan roasted scallops, even finer than last week.

A client from Texas and Jason from Metlife became fast friends, swapping southern stories in slurry drawl; Dmitriy and I caught up on 3 years of living...Patrick's side of the table kept drawing more and more staggering folks over to discuss fantasy football - we were all eager for a good time.

I also had my review this week, that same night actually. Earlier in the day, I receive a rather cryptic email ordering me to show up at my boss' hotel room for my review. My boss' hotel room? For my review? Good thing she's a girl!

The room was modern and sleek and elegant, with theatrically dim lighting hidden strategically behind borders around the room and cast an interesting purple glow about that reminded me of Star Trek - The Next Generation.

Review went well - I get along with my coworkers, my technical background helps me talk to my clients good, and I have won my clients respect....my division director introduced me as the latest Rockstar of her group, and I was relieved.

I turned into a pumpkin early in the evening, too high heels, too much wine, not enough real food, and an early day at the office the following day. Jason from Met took Metro North home, fell asleep on the train and went way beyond his stop all the way to the end in Connecticut - took a cab to his car, which ran out of gas at 2 am...and he was back at work at 8:30. Patrick fared similarly.

Headache all the next day, blistered feet from a night in 4 inch heels. All of us decided not to attend the b-Disco monthly industry bar night the following evening.

The week quieted down much more on the social front, although I met up with a friend for shopping in Rock Center where he was to advise me on which suit to purchase (this is my kind've metro-sexual friend that I mentioned earlier). His good news: new job came through. Even in this stunted economy. I guess the suit and shoes and colonge from France really were a good investment. I didn't buy anything that night though, we just talked about life. Rockefeller Center opened up the ice rink early this year - skaters and tourists twirled below the giant art deco square and danced beneath golden Prometheus. Soon, Christmas will be coming, we're all feeling it.

Tomorrow, it seems I've got the weekend to myself. I'm thinking of going to a cool steampunk-themed faire called the Grand Chrono'nauts Tea, in Carrol Gardens. Daily Candy suggests "think Jules Verne-inspired trinkets and top hats with petticoats" - the sci-fi version of the Victorian Era. Sign me up.

Also, I have to get ready for my first houseguest. One of my close friends, a curator, will be attending the International Print Fair next week, and I have to find a blowup bed for her to sleep on.

Aurora with Victoria and Sohini

2008-10-18T20:05:00.004-04:00

Met with the girls in downtown Soho. We sat at a rustic wood and brick bar eatery fronted by a metal porch, lit with candles. We caught up on the 4 or 5 years of things that have happened since the DMIND Corporation shut down and we were left to make our way in the world.

Sohini and Arka, their romance was a tale woven while the sun went down and the leggy fashionastas of Soho came out (- from downtown corporate offices - from catwalks in the meatpacking district - or from tall storefronts midtown.)

Victoria started a new career - a new sort of marketing, managing BUZZ - for clients like HBO, some video gamemakers, for celebrity personalities. Image management? What did she call it, there is a term of art...Rumor management? She generates and manages image and rumor and excitement in the new media: the blog-o-sphere, chatrooms, clubs and dance floor, back rooms of fashionable bars, and behind closed doors in boardrooms. She always was motivated...

The grappa flowed freely. It was a long and fantastic evening. I ate perfect seared scallops on top of a vinaigrette salad on rough wood tables worn smooth and layered with softwax.

Everyone's so beautiful here.

Is it like Sex in the City?

2008-10-18T19:23:00.008-04:00

I never watched Sex in the City before this weekend. Amazing, but I lived most of my life without cable; how could I afford cable AND Gucci AND Ferragamo AND Cole Haan...you get the picture. So, last weekend I watched the movie, 4 years later in the lives of the fabulous four and was fascinated.

I caught up on the 1999 series...what happened in 1999? Oh, yeah: late twenties, early thirties, maybe that's why Sex in the City is so appealing, they and I were the same age, and I DID collect shoes, run up ridiculous tabs at swanky watering holes, used to be able to compare the latest trend in restaurant decor, service, palate.

Casual chic, swingy hair, and difficult relationships.

What will it be like this time around? Currently, my apartment is unfurnished, I work late hours at the new job, and dip my toes gently into the cold rushing river that is NY social life.

I am 3 years older. San Francisco taught me large open spaces and fresh food - Boston taught me...well, that I hate politics - and how to move quickly out of sinking situations, and here I am again.

Maybe that's why I watched Sex in the City - I needed a primer.

Things are very easy now, but they are the same: friends are moving onwards, upwards...the boys are exactly the same; the clothes, well at least I know where to go shopping, (tho the current economic state taught me to be cautious in spending); food is great as always and delivery at 3am if I feel like it all week long....

My body is adjusting to the warmth in the mid-Atlantic. Warmer than SF, warmer than Boston.

It's perfect.

Chillax, it's the Weekend~

2008-10-10T16:56:00.008-04:00

OOH - thank goodness.

On the agenda:

I need to visit at least one of the food craves I haven't satisfied in the past three years: maybe it's time for a cupcake tour of Manhattan. Magnolia Bakery: It's downtown, it's hip, and the line goes around the block. Near all of my favorite shopping, good restaurants, and very much a chillax vibe, especially while the weather is still good. We used to have a monthly bar-night at my old job, about 4 years ago. One of my friends was not allowed to come to bar-night unless there was a chocolate cupcake from Magnolia inside his briefcase. Indeed, I have warm and caring friends.

But enough about desserts: Shopping at Lolli in LES. I have no money and economy is so bad, but they are having a SALE, and the stuff is soo...urban goddess. Um, because that's me, right?

Apparently, this weekend is also the I Kiffe NY: a French-NY urban festival with gritty movies, performing and visual arts, and...wait a minute, Les Nubians is playing at Joe's Pub? Man, tickets are going to be sold out by now, why am I only finding out these things now? I miss being plugged in. Well, I'm going to have to do something about that.

I would have loved to go...

Ok, next, I could seriously use just a good ole stroll in Central Park. It's probably one of the last warm weekends in NYC, and seeing some green by the duck pond may be in order. Did I leave my rollerblades in San Francisco? Must have.

Also, on the friends note, I may stay the night in Sunset Park to see my niece and maybe grab some items of furniture from the basement of my best friend. Another of my best friends offered to meet up Sunday Night for a Soul Dinner.

Anyway --- I better catch the sunlight while it's still here.

Lights in the sky

2008-10-09T21:39:00.003-04:00

Sounds of traffic funnel and amplify, like a loudspeaker, up the sides of all of the buildings, reflecting and bouncing and yawing, into my window. I'd forgotten, but the helicopters fly so close to my windows that I'm sure they can see inside, or maybe with the help of those zoom cameras they use to capture traffic shots down, way down to street level.

A helicopter did a fly-by just now; shining a spotlight and lighting up my small studio for a brief moment; hovering, then finally angling away.

I don't know if it has something to do with being so close to Grand Central, the Chrysler Tower and, of course, the UN. Across the street, WPIX Channel 11. In the early morning, they have a camera sitting out on the sidewalk, taking shots of pedestrians hustling to the office. I'm already on TV twice in 2 weeks.

Out My Window, Superheroes and Supervillians

2008-10-05T17:11:00.005-04:00

The Green Goblin's House.

Spiderman's View, west.

Superman and Lois Lane's meeting.

On my friends here.

2008-10-05T16:28:00.009-04:00

Catching up after a 3 year sabbatical from the city has been fun - a little awkward, baby-steps.

Relationships have shifted, so have careers, and looks and tastes and smells. They remain the same inside, but I'm seeing them with new eyes again.

2 of my down-to-earth pals became swanky, my swanky friend is trying a grunge look, and I am blonde now from 2 years in California.

Y stopped by the office last Friday for a visit, a coffee, some gossip and a hug before a very important interview. His suit was perfectly fit, razor-sharp and of an impressive shade and weight of lighter wool, his cologne came from France, and his watch had no numbers on it. Hmmm....what happened to the Banana Republic tech guy, the alumn from the Coding Floor, was he body-snatched by Tom Ford? Very odd. He speaks of a new house in Pennsylvania, a $1.5M condo on Central Park South, and his latest Cartier timepiece. What? Not metrosexual but just brushing the right side of it. His latest intended conquest? A top ten international lawfirm, and a great position in the $160K range....Wow. I seriously need to bump my game up, hmm? He said the first question the men ask him in an interview surprised him. It was, "Where did you get your shoes?" I looked at the floor. I mean, they WERE nice shoes...of course, in my ghetto building in the heart of midtwn Manhattan, there was oil dripping from the elevator floor, and I hoped none of it dripped upon the beautiful suit. He wouldn't take a green duck from me, afraid it would fall out of his bag during the interview.

E and I met up a couple of nights before, for a burger and a couple of glasses of wine on the Mezzanine dining space of Grand Central Station's Michael Jordan's Steakhouse. He joked on the telephone that he would be the one with the Afro. I said, "Huh, did you grow your hair out? What happened to Senor Swanky?" I used to tell him he put the S in Swank. On the bar side of the table settings overlooking the marble staircase across the main clock foyer and under the magnificent Grand Central ceiling, I met up with the new E, mussy sweatshirt and jeans, old sneakers and hauling several portfolios. "They're for the interview with the UN tomorrow." he said quietly. UN? Apparently, he wants to start going on UN Peacekeeping Missions as a photo-journalist. War zones, missions to feed the hungry, missions to highlight Development Initiatives...we talked for long hours over his need to do something meaningful. (Goodness knows that the business we were in certainly wasn't...meaningful.) I liked the new look, he was just kidding about the 'fro.

And R, he visited me in the early stages of the move, for a diner breakfast, a hug, and to present me with a screwdriver with bits in it that I was supposed to swap out to use on different screws and joints and stuff like that when I put back my furniture together. A week passes. I tell R that I "did something" but I couldn't tell him what or that he would be mad. But since I couldn't keep things from him, I told him that the bits ended up somehow incorporated into the new TV stand where my new flatscreen sits happily...[well, I mean, I am sitting happily. I snacked it from New Egg last week.] He was very good about my improvisation. It was an emergency. R is also one of those who shifts from swank to grunge at will, but his changes are mostly on the inside. He's a soccer dad now.

It's different, being here this time around. Like I am on version 2.0 of my life.

This weekend in Gotham...

2008-10-05T12:10:00.005-04:00

...I just returned from a diner-brunch and a walk in the brisk, grey soup going on outside. Exhilarating, feet chilled. I passed one of those Sunday street fairs, and wandered for a couple of miles past all of the white tents and stalls. This week it's called the Oktoberfest, although no beer passed around Madison Ave at 11am.

It's an exercise in econony and politics, one of many great things about living here, in the Center of it All. On the midtown streets, Sunday morning is pondering and walking and observing.

An Interesting Dinner Friday night.

I had no plans with anyone, but forgot to eat anything the entire day so far. I worked like a machine all week, needed fresh air and a reward, and so, I needed really excellent Indian food. I walked into the Malika restaurant near the UN, near my home.

It was empty, the restaurant glittered with gold filigree and red embroidery, and in the center the restaurant were large stage lights and a very thin, pretty, agressive woman interviewing an older diplomat. It turned out to be Pakistani TV, and he was a Senior UN delegate closing up his week at the UN General Assembly.

In a Pak-lish mix of chatter, they covered Kashmir, corruption, Musharref, and the happiness of the people. All spitfire and 24 years old at the most, I admired how the older gentleman did not lose patience with her as she spewed out her western theories of what should happen, what had happened...the woman herself was obviously spoiled, well to do, had a great job, and was probably over-paid due to her enormous looks. But to tell a career diplomat of 50 years what to do about Pakistan, from her frame of reference, I was frankly amused and fascinated that he paid due respect to her opinions, naive as they were, expressed as they were with too much anger and vehemence and a lack of courtesy to anyone else's thoughts...Kids today!

LOL, only in NY. The food was awesome, by the way. No one makes Indian/Pakistani food the way this place does! Last time I was here, I fell in with a group of UN Peacekeepers who were on the nuclear proliferation team, about to head off to Korea.

Only in NY. I grinned and stuffed my face with the Saag, drank deeply of some wine, and finally let go of the stresses of the day.

Weighing in on the Economy, the Bailout, and Oops, here we are again.

My officemate, Patrick, asks me last week, "They turned down the bailout measure, what do you think...?"

What do I think, I repeat aloud. Well, it's a cycle, isn't it? In the immediate term, the bailout will happen. They only turned it down because it was too vague and undefined. It will happen, though. And it did. But isn't it all just part of the cycle?

My sister, in a past life, was a loan officer for Wells Fargo, and we argued much and often about lending practices. Her own leanings are very far right - laissez faire, emphasis on personal responsibility. Her portfolios were in the mid-market borrowing range, commercial lending. Her message: It's a cycle, 20 years ago it was Savings and Loan, and now here we are again.

I pondered to my officemate the lack of individual or corporate personal fiscal responsibility that comes out of a "free market society" which runs unfettered on the classic bet: can I consume this item and not pay for it for the longest time possible, AND hope that my job is stable so I don't get laid off or sick? Can I get what I want and bury my head in the sand that you have to pay for it one way or another?

Should I feel so sorry for the house-flippers, who bought multiple homes to artificially raise the value of housing, in the hopes they could run away with a large profit and not have to pay off the loan they made in this speculation? I do feel sorry for people laid off and jobs lost, when people tightened their belts and refused to spend for the luxury goods and services they needed to keep up with the Jones'.

My own life was a series of individual loan crises: luxury travel, goods and services to achieve a polished sheen, and restaurants - bars - clubs and what_have_you, because I was bored. I am still paying off trips that happened 10 years ago; "the" shoes that I wore and threw out after a year; and isn't a bag, after all, just a bag? I'm almost out, I have a good job that is stable as long as I work seven days a week and give up sleep, and it works now that I have returned to my beloved city, the cheapest place in all the places I have lived, to recoup, recover, and remember.

Rambling? Back to the point: personal fiscal responsibility. That's the lesson I learned the hardway. I mean, I don't want to play the latest happy hour bar-game, "What should Congress and the President do now?"

The point for us is not to get screwed in the downturn part of the cycle. Don't buy on credit what I don't need. What about growth, says the otherside, what about how credit spending is the key to a growing GNP? Yeah, but that's a gamble. If one borrows, one should borrow for capital investment, for goodness sake, not for the Prada coat or a hot shiny car...And if it is borrowing to make more money in the future, make sure it does make more money, be smart! Is the bet worth it? Will I be able to pay back?

Can I pay back the money that I borrow? What if I get sick or lose my job?

I avoided getting butt-seksd this time, I told my officemate. If it is a cycle then how do you stay out of trouble? Growth based on loose lending practices and undisciplined luxury spending or bad investments by the commercial giants - to boom (and you know it's going to pop, you KNOW it, when too many people do the same thing), and burst, contract - less spending, layoff of jobs, more people in the streets, and less items available....Bailout...slow growth - cautious feeling that things are getting better, and the meteoric rise to boom phase again.

On BBCAmerica, the interview-lady asked, all fierce teeth, "Doesn't that mean that the American model doesn't work??" she asked stridently? "No," replied some economic guru sitting in the greenroom of the studio, a fake skyline blinking behind him. "It means there are some problems with the model that we need to fix. How many times have we seen this in the past?" he asked. Well, Duh.

I guess it means I need to watch my spending - not buy anything consumable unless it is bought with outright cash. Don't borrow unless it's to make more money (and make it a good gamble). Do well at my job, even if it means staying up all night seven days a week. Work in an industry that will continue to have demand and customers will pay, even through a recession...

Hard though, walking down Madison Avenue, saying no to those boots, and eating less-expensive meals all the time, putting off travel until gas prices go down, not buying stuff yet for the apartment...

I put the lovely silk rug down sadly, shook my head at the guy in one of those tents at the street fair, and walked on home.

I was offended when I saw the Madison Avenue matrons still carrying bags-and-bags of 1000 count linens, the new Burberry fall coat, and just had their nails done, hair swinging as only a $500 a hit hairstylist can achieve.

So what's that picture all about down there, anyway..?

2008-10-05T01:21:00.003-04:00

Reference to my old life, a life that had twists and turns like a Byzantine city, that brought me from Soho, to the City by the Bay for 2 years, and relentlessly, mercilessly thrown into Beantown, to wash up on the shores clinging finally upon my dear old Manhattan.

The picture is based on a couple of conversations I had, with Seth, then Kamal, who referred to our shared existence as The Land of Broken Toys....

"See, and there's something that went wrong with this person," one would say, gesturing towards a well-dressed person pulling a handtruck of fifteen boxes. "and that one," the other way, towards the Area General Manager's direction, the afraid-to-tell-people-he's-gay Uber-Boss, who manages the company much like Darth Vader did. "And those two in there," he would whisper, tilting his head to the wall of our shared office.

"And see, you, and me, and Seth, and..."

I tell people at my new company what I did for 4 and a quarter years, and they blanch, dismayed, and rush on about how good it is here, how it's all over now, and generally, the facial expression was an Ugh.

Week One

2008-10-05T00:38:00.005-04:00

[UPS came to the Italianate Mansion in the small garden neighborhood of Jamaica Plain, MA, where I had lived for the past year. Goodbye, Vee Vee and the Valachovic's, goodbye giant trees and summer mansions, frosted victorian winters and leafy green summer days. I watched my eight large boxes get loaded into the brown van, sighed, packed up my little laptap, and grasped my Amtrak Acela ticket.]

I'm home now, and it's Saturday night, almost one in the morning, here in the city. Out of the corner apartment on the 27th floor, 42nd Street spills outwards below, and towers rise above, dominated by the Chrysler Tower.

Looking South, I can barely make out NY Harbor, the Manhattan Bridge, the Brooklyn Bridge, and the East River is a ribbon of black glass tonight. I am home.

I'm on the floor for now. My furniture is in San Francisco. I hope to get a bed soon, some curtains, maybe a chair, but for now, I've been sleeping on a blow-up thing that popped this weekend, and now, a foam mattress on the hardwood.

The new job is incredible! Being home...incredible! Met with Rob and Ed, Young, and have appointments with Sohini and Arka, Victoria, and many others in my NY life that I am coming home to.

I'm tired though. The three years away, well, it's caught up with me: the hard work, new job, late hours, packing on my free time, worry about free cash, then the move, the travel from Beantown to Gotham on the train...no vacation days taken yet, just trucking through.

Exhausted, actually.

This weekend, instead of worrying, I'm looking out the windows, walking up Madison Avenue, popping into museums, and leaving messages for friends. I need rest.